It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
