I just cut my nipple shaving
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
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We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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