So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
