Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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