I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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