East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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