.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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