ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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