Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
