At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
