Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
