my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
