my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
