the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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