So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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