I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
