im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
