I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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