wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
