final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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