Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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