I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can't turn off my feet"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
