coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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