yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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