I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
