Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
