Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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