Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
