Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
being pregnant is like rehab
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
