Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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