i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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