piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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