I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
