Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
