So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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