So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
