shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
