i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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