I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
