Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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