i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
