Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
