I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize