my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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