I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
