Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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