Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
