I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
