we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
