physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
