I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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