he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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