Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
