It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I am one with the molecules
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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