omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
