I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
