it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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