I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
