I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
