you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
They are going to name an STD after you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
