A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
home. puking in laundry basket.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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