a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
