I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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