Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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