my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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