If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
