ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
