why didn't you poke me back
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
