It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize