I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
