Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm always down for nudity.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
