You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's blow job season.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
