im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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