I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i wish my penis had a tongue
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
