how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
