...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
