i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
