holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You are a genius and a whore.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
