theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Actions speak louder than pants.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
