Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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